suck it up, for the kids

are you serious? what is wrong with you people.. you think that my children are confused enough already so you decide to have SEPARATE birthday parties because of that? You know darn well that my son wants both of his parents to be physically there for him for his birthday, and that that would make him happy, but because they're CONFUSED (which isn't going to solve itself ANYTIME SOON) you won't allow me to come celebrate with him? REALLY? who's thinking about the kids here, and who's just trying to hurt the other more...

Christmas at the Burge House

First, I'd like to say that I personally feel extremely blessed by receiving "Secret Santa" bags in my front yard in the middle of the month. I still do not know who Secret Santa is, but there were two huge bags, one was full of clothes for the boys/shoes for Saria/dresses and the other had presents that were wrapped for each of the kids. I have never received anything like this before, and it really made me feel the spirit to know that someone cared enough about our family to do that for us. I hope whoever it was knows that I am eternally grateful for it!!

On Christmas Eve we found out that Brad had to work the next day...so we were trying to figure out how to go about having our Christmas.. and we decided to just get up really early and do our Christmas together before he had to go to work. So we planned to get up at five A.M., make breakfast, and then wake up the kids...(I personally have learned to never plan anything and just go with the flow, and I'm ok with that..)So FOUR A.M. rolls around and Samuel wakes me up coughing, I give him a drink and send him back to bed but of course I can't fall back asleep so I get up and make us all breakfast:hashbrowns, eggs, bacon, and sausage. After Breakfast is all made (including Orange Juice for the drink) we wake up the kids. Benjamin tells us he wants to go back to sleep which we think is rather cute.


Well, we get them up after a few minutes of coaxing, and we tell Ben to go eat his breakfast...thinking that he'd totally see the presents "Santa" got for him because they're pretty visible from the route to the kitchen.. but he totally missed it...and when he finally did see, he was super excited and happy!! :)


Then it was Sam's turn to find out what HE got, and let me just tell you...he was less than thrilled to get a Star Wars Bicycle.. he WANTED a bike, but he "doesn't like Star Wars" Not the kind of reaction I expected at all, and really dampened my spirits...

but luckily Saria was super superrrr excited to get her Justin Bieber Doll and that helped my mood :)

After Breakfast, we opened up the rest of our presents and then we took a nap for about an hour because Brad went to work...(he was gone pretty much until we went to Grandma's house that night to do Christmas over there.

My Favorite Christmas Song

Growing up, we had a lot of cassette tapes with Christmas Songs on them, and I had a handful (as a child) that were my absolute favorite songs, including All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth (giggle), Up On The Rooftop, Jingle Bells, and Little Drummer Boy. I honestly find it amazing that, as a child Little Drummer Boy was on that list at all. Today as I pulled into the driveway coming home from the gym, the version of Little Drummer Boy sung by Bob Seger (who is the version I remember growing up with) came on on the radio. I was deeply touched because for whatever reason, I haven't heard this song in years sung by him, I didn't even know WHO it was that sung it until I looked across the stereo and it told me, and it really brought back a flood of memories of Christmases long ago, and I honestly had a Uncle Scrooge moment. I realize that growing up, I may not have had the BEST childhood, but it wasn't all that bad. My parents loved me, and they took care of me, they helped me to grow, and they tried their best to guide me onto the right walks of life. I know I've made mistakes along the way, but I also know that the reality of the situation is that LIFE IS WONDERFUL, LIFE CAN BE HAPPY!!, and I know that... even though we may STILL not agree on certain things, and our lifestyles now are COMPLETELY different from one another (as far as my family goes, which is what I'm talking about anyway, but just clarifying :P) we have reached the point where we are more understanding, and more accepting, and in the past few months I have absolutely grown closer to the family I spent all those Christmases with growing up. I can honestly say I miss them, and that occasionally my heart breaks for them because they're soo far away from me. Anyway, before I get too mushy, I just hope everyone that actually took the time to read this understands how important family is. I know that Christmas essentially is the celebration of Christ's Birth, and I am a big believer (even if my voice IS small), but it doesn't matter who, or what you believe in...everyone can LOVE THEIR FAMILY extra hard this Christmas. IMO the greatest gift you could ever give another person be it mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, child, friend.. etc is your time, your smile, your understanding, your LOVE. I LOVE all of you and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas regardless of how you celebrate, or what you do :) XOXO

How to make Plastic Canvas Reindeer

I tried to upload my pictures showing the steps to make these cute little guys onto facebook, and so far I haven't been successful so, since the blog is public anyway I decided to write a little more detailed explanation on how to make these cute little guys, they're awfully easy, and absolutely adorable, and I just enjoy doing things like this.

THINGS YOU NEED:
Plastic canvas (I got mine from Wal-Mart in their craft section)
Brown Yarn
A needle that you can thread yarn into (it'll be pretty huge :P but I'm not a needle expert)
Black or Dark Brown Pipe Cleaners for the Antlers
Scissors
Googly eyes
Pom Pom (my kids call them fuzzballs) for the noses
Hot glue gun




First you cut it into squares that are 10x10 squares (I just count to ten and cut on the 11th one and then trim down the sides and start again)


You need three 10x10 squares to make 1 reindeer so make sure you cut enough for all the reindeer you want. I personally will cut some, sew some, then cut some more just to give my fingers a break from cutting.. because it IS plastic and it does make your hands blister so beware lol.




You start by pulling the yarn through and holding a tiny bit of the tail of the yarn so that it stays in place and then you sew a couple of times to get the tail to stay in place. (I am hoping I do not confuse anyone, but if I do, just email me, comment here, or talk to me on facebook and I'll clarify because I'm not the best at explaining these things...hopefully the pictures will help :P
Sew each of the squares so they look like this.
(this is the front)
(this is the back)

(You can sorta tell on the back where I secured the yarn at the end by going under a few stitches, you could also knot the yarn, but I just go under the stitches personally)








After the three squares are sewn, you need to put two squares together so the fronts of each are facing out (backs are together), and sew starting at a corner two sides and 1 corner like this.





The next thing you need to do is sorta pop it open by clenching the two sides together and place the third piece in it to sew another two sides and corner. Be careful about which sides you sew.





The finished sewn product looks like this. Then all you have to do is add the googly eyes, pom pom nose, and pipe cleaner antlers with a hot glue gun, stick a Hershey's kiss inside and voila! It's done :)
You DO sew the remaining sides (that forms the mouth) but not together.. because then you can't open the mouth to put the kiss inside :)

The Amazingness that is Texting...

So about a month or so ago Brad and I switched our cell carrier from TMobile to Verizon where we picked up a texting package. Unlimited texting has proven to be quite a blessing. My dad and I rarely spoke before I got texting, and it's not because either of us wanted it that way, it's just how things were...we were too busy with work (him) or taking care of kids (both of us) and I started to take the time each week to try to call him, but that never worked out either...Texting has helped us so much! We went from very rarely talking to texting each other everyday!!! I used to honestly think evil thoughts about those people that walked through the store while they were busy texting/talking on their phones and now I have become one!! *LOL* I have enjoyed getting to know my daddy once again because for a while there we were really out of touch, and we both admitted this, and we both feel like we've gotten to know each other a lot recently. It's a good feeling. I am so far away from my family that I can't see them all the time, and I haven't seen my dad in five years almost, and I do miss him lots, and just being able to talk to him whenever I want lately has been such a wonderful blessing.

Ten years ago

I found out I was pregnant with Saria I BELIEVE the 26th of September, 2000. So, 10 years ago. I wasn't really planning on ever making a post regarding this, but since my blog is now private (at least I hope it is LOL) I guess I will post about it :). I really don't look at it as a negative thing, even with me still being in High School...becoming a mother was the single most important thing I've ever done with my life, or ever COULD do in my life. It worked out for me, and it worked out for Brad, and for that we are obviously eternally grateful, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. We DID make some pretty selfish choices, neither of us had jobs that could support a child, IN FACT to this day I've never had a job, but Brad really stepped up and was willing to do anything to provide for his child and he ended up joining the Air Force for that reason. I remember graduating HS with a one month old baby girl, and immediately getting married and moving to North Carolina and starting off on our own. It wasn't even scary for me, it was totally comfortable, I just felt I was where I should have been. In fact, I think the scariest thing about it all was that Saria had a cold for the first time and I freaked out about that, being a new mother with a sick baby scared me. Everything just felt right. I remember starting out with just a recliner and a 13 inch T.V., and though somedays I wish we were back to that, I look around and see exactly how far we've come, how much we truly are blessed, and I am grateful :)

Another step in the right direction.. I hope

So my ten year reunion is fast approaching and I have been fighting within myself, I want to go, I don't want to go, I want to go, I don't want to go...I don't really consider anyone my "friends" because I haven't really kept in touch with anyone, and yet at the same time I have a lot of wonderful people on facebook that occasionally talk to me or that I will occasionally shoot a message to. Those people are one of the biggest reasons I've decided that I DO want to go. I know that in the past people were jerks to me, and heck.. I know for a fact I was a jerk to a few people, but I also know that while everyone isn't going to change...that MOST of us have. Sooooo, yes if we have the money, I will be going back to Alabama for a few weeks next summer. I will be alone, which..if you read my previous post you know how big of a thing that is for me, and that is also a reason I want to do it so bad. I NEED to get out of this shell that has been sooo tightly placed around me. I haven't been in Alabama since February of '07 when we said goodbye to my folks and headed up here. Four years is a long time for me...
I can't lie, I really have been avoiding OZARK like the plague everytime I did go home because the house I "grew up" in has been removed so that the little airport there can expand, at least I think that's why...Anyway, it's a really silly reason to avoid the town you grew up in, but to ME...it feels like I CAN'T go back home because the home is gone, and I know.. I know how silly that sounds because even if the house WAS still there, my parents aren't living in it, but I would be able to go drive past it and REMEMBER lots of things. I'm going to do it.. as close as I can to where the house once stood, I will drive by, and I will remember.
Of ALL the vivid dreams I've had in the past ten years, the ones I had of my house that I grew up in were the most vivid. They ALL involved water to a degree too, which I find HILARIOUS since we had a pool in the backyard AND it seemed we had a natural spring or something too because it didn't matter what day of the week, month of the year it was our HUGE backyard WAS ALWAYS WET.

I have also planned (so far with just my dad, but I plan to ask my mom as well) to spend the day with each of my parents, just me and them. I have already talked to Brad about this as well, and I think at this point in my life that it's absolutely essential in my "moving forward, forgiving and letting go" to have a 1 on 1 with each of my parents without the kids there to interrupt or distract. It will give me the time to say what I need to say to them, because I really do NEED to say a lot. I think that above everything else, my PARENTS are what is pulling me to Alabama, the reunion will just be an added bonus.
I think this will be a positive experience, it will force me to grow up, to not be so scared of people and crowds, to form the relationships with my parents that should already exist, and most importantly, to let go..to forgive myself, to move on, and HAVE FUN!!!!