Oh deer, Oh deer, Oh deer!!

So the other day I was talking to my mom about these deer that love to walk around our house all the time, and about how this year they had two babies walking with them, and she said "oh you should take pictures of them" and I'm like, "Well I bet they're grown up by now because it's been a while since I last saw them," and what do you know, the very next day Brad spots the mom, and right behind her is her babies walking around the house eating the trees/leaves/bushes along the way.



you will have to click on them because the whole picture didn't show up there, but clicking is easy :P

FHE is so fun :)

So tonight, we got some rocks, washed them off, and painted them for FHE. We really didn't have a lesson planned, just a family outing, but it's amazing how sometimes, things just happen!! We planned to color these rocks for a good week or more, it was just a thought that popped into my head one day, to paint them and add them to a flower garden eventually. And, what do you know, this week we've been reading about the Jaredites and the boats they had to build and how they needed light on those boats, and how God touched the stones and made them bright so they could use them on their journey. The kids had a blast, and so did Brad, he's so artistic, I keep hoping that one day he'll sweep me off my feet with a drawing but he refuses everytime I ask. It's nice though that he can be artistic at times when not asked, I guess maybe he just feels intimidated when I ask him to draw me something. :) Anyway, we had a blast, and I put some photos up at photobucket.com, so click on the couple I post here and it'll take you to them I hope.

Saria and Samuel

I hadn't taken pictures in forever, mostly because my camera batteries are dead, but I managed to take two before they stopped working entirely..I cut her hair to her shoulders, it's a little crooked but of course it'll grow back ;)

Well this certainly doesn't help

Why...when I dream is it always either about the same ex boyfriend (the one from like 13 years ago haha) or me being pregnant...Honestly, I'd rather have a nightmare where I'm being murdered and torn limb from limb or swimming in a sea of fish (always hated that) because at least then when I wake up, I feel better...I honestly don't obsess over this child bearing issue, really, and I don't dream of being pregnant every night, really really, but last nights dream sucked. And I know this whole issue is affecting my relationship with Brad too. And I know no one wants to hear about our romantic life, but lemme just give you an idea...and it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that most nights two of our three kids sleep in our room either...(wow I can't think of a comparison so I'll just come right out and say it) It sucks...it doesn't exist in any form, I do not just mean sexually, I mean...ANYTHING. As a matter of fact, and this is a sad thing, very very sad thing, the other day Brad kissed me on the lips out of the blue (about as romantic as it gets now) and Ben the two year old? ya him.. went up to Brad and gave him a kiss and told him byeeee be careful because he thought he was going to work. This is serious stuff people...When a 2 year old associates his father kissing his mother as going bye bye to work...If we had medical iinsurance I'd go to a doctor and figure out ways to get over this because I really feel like it's hurting my relationship with Brad. Honestly, that's the last thing I want to do...Maybe I need to stop remembering the past and try to enjoy the now...that sounds like a good idea...or maybe, when I do remember the past, I should make it feel now how good it felt then. Maybe I need to stop wallowing in self pity and realize that as incomplete as I feel, the children that I have need me, and so does my husband, and maybe instead of being depressed about stuff I should just be there for them. Easier said then done...but I can try. :)

Finding things I thought were lost forever

So I don't know what was going through my head when I put receiving blankets as old as Saria in a box labeled artwork, or why it took us a year to find that box, open it up and find not only those but an assortment of lame artwork from our high school days, shelves to hang, puzzles that have been glued, a pop up laundry hamper, and our state coin holder. But, of course those receiving blankets just set off memories in my head like fourth of July fireworks and I had to just stand back and stop looking at them. You know, somedays I am so extremely happy that I had my tubes tied, but most others I sit here wishing I hadn't. I know I have three kids, and I know I've talked about this before, but obviously it's bugging me again, I know I have three kids, and I am lucky to have those but I really do feel so incomplete. Maybe it has a lot to do with everyone else deciding for me that it was best to have my tubes tied in the first place. Granted I don' t think that I could live through another pregnancy, but the thought that it's impossible to even have a chance just really depresses me. I actually (and I'm being honest here) have never liked kids! I never liked kids growing up, I always felt very uncomfortable around them, even now when they're not mine I do feel a little uneasy, but I so enjoy my own, and I am so thankful that I have them. I worried about the stupidest things in high school sometimes... I remembered how I used to worry about the world ending before I had the chance to become a parent...(silly isn't it) I know Brad is content with our family, and to an extent, so am I really, I mean I really am, I just... like I said, I feel so incomplete sometimes. If I could do things over, I would have never listened to anyone that encouraged me to have my tubes tied. Because seriously, after two and a half years passing I shouldn't still be depressed about it. Anyway, maybe I'll wash the blankets and use the material to make another blanket for Ben or something...

Just an update

Sorry I haven't updated in forever, I have been battling fleas, children, and lawn mowers for the past few weeks. First off, fleas...somehow our house has become infested with these jerks and it got bad, Ben started scratching to the point where he was making himself bleed on the back of his neck and legs, so we got a flea coller, some control or something to put on the cat, and we treated the cat on a Saturday afternoon. The next day we planned to bomb the house while we were at church but when we woke up and I came out to sort laundry, about nineteen of them jumped on me, that's when I realized that if Ben was getting bit as badly as he was and having no other signs of them on anyone else, I knew if he stayed in the house he'd get eaten alive so we took the kids out immediately go them dressed, bombed the house and went to the beach. We couldn't get back into the house in time before church started so we missed it. That really didn't kill them, though at first it appeared that it had worked, and maybe it did, but we had another infestation not to long after that so we got carpet powder to kill the fleas and we brushed it into the carpet with brooms, let it sit overnight, and we have almost got the problem under control now. We tried everything though, spent a lot of money too. We had dishes of vinegar put onto the floor that the kids put the fleas they find in, it kills them right away, sometimes they even jump into the dish without us putting them in there. We also rented a steam cleaned and cleaned all the carpets before we put the carpet powder down, I hope that helped too because it cost a lot of money to do. We also shaved our cat, she looks rather stupid now but hopefully it'll grow back haha.
Secondly, the lawn mower...oh boy, we just bought this thing like three months ago and it already crapped out on us. It starts, and after a few minutes just completely stops, then you have to prime it about ten times before you get it started again, and it goes for a few minutes and dies all over again. We still haven't fixed it, the weeds are overgrown, the kids can't really play outside because of them so that leads to the third thing...I have been miserable having to be inside with these kids for the past week because Brad's basically been working straight through days, comes home to sleep and that's about it...And since I can't fix the lawn mower, I use it and restart it every five minutes or less and it is just more strain then I need. I told Brad this morning to take the kids to church I was staying home, I need a break. It feels good to not hear them screaming and yelling at each other. I wish I could say I missed them horribly, but I'd be lying through my teeth. And what a way for Brad to realize (and maybe appreciate) what I do. Sorry I sound bitter, but I am!! :) I'll get over it.