Sometimes you just have to stop and get on your knees

Today has been a nightmare to say the least. It started out okay, if you consider waking up to 3 kids arguing about who pushed who okay. Saria, Sam, and Ben like to play this game called "Super Smash Brothers"...only THEIR version is not different characters from video games beating the crap out of each other on a platform, it's THEM imagining they are different characters beating the crap out of each other on my couch. I think that Saria was "The Master Hand" and Sam was "Kirby" and Ben was "Bumblebee" (who, might I add is not even a character in the actual game, but kids have such imaginations that anything is possible :P) Anyway, they've been told time after time to not play this game because it's not only dangerous in that they push each other off the couch to determine who wins, but they hit and kick and sometimes even bite each other in order to achieve their goal of being the "winner" What do moms know right?! That's where accident number 1 happens. Ben runs up to us with SUCH panic in his voice, totally FREAKING out "I GOT BLEEDING I GOT BLEEDING!" and blood is just dripping out of his nose. Nothing really worrisome, he gets nosebleeds often, especially if someone accidentally kicks him in the face, which is what he told us happened...


I have to add that I am so thankful that hubby is home because for SOME REASON ever since I have become a mother.. the sight of blood FREAKS me out and makes me VERY nauseated...in fact..the other day we were grilling hotdogs and there was only the tip of the bottle left of ketchup and LO AND BEHOLD when hubby opened the bottle it splattered all over his hand... and THAT even nauseated me because it LOOKED like blood to me...(pathetic I know haha)back to the story..


So hubby thankfully stops Ben's nose from bleeding, I try to comfort him as best as I can from a distance, and all is well for about another hour or two.

Saria and Sam were in the garage playing while Ben was outside by himself (which I have always hated for this reason and usually make one of the other ones go play with him just so he's not by himself.. dunno why I didn't do that today, but I will be kicking myself in the butt for a long time because of it...) Anyhoo, he comes running towards the house and just BLOOD curdling screams of PAIN and his finger is dripping blood. Apparently he dropped a huge rock on his finger.. that was one of two coherent things I could get from him.. the other was "Sam couldn't help me!!" He is so used to having his brother by his side..I think he was more scared that he was alone than of what happened to his finger, and I think that's what broke my heart the most as well.

We get his finger all cleaned up, and hubby bandages it with two butterfly bandages because its a pretty nasty split finger and about an hour later hubby notices it's turning purple..that's when I told hubby he needed to take Ben to the Emergency Room...which is where he's at as I type this. I forgot to mention that pretty much the entire time Ben's finger has been hurt, he's off and on (mostly on) screaming about being in a lot of pain. When hubby took him, his finger was seeping blood, it was purple on the end tip, and it was still split open. He's clearly in a lot of pain, so I hope whatever they do at the hospital helps him to not be in so much pain.


The one thing that really touched me through all of this, was me asking Ben through his cries of pain if he wanted to get on his knees and say a prayer with me. He told me that he did... and he proceeded to say a little prayer and then we finished up with a prayer from myself and honestly, I felt more calm, and more at peace. My four year old son KNEW that a prayer would help in his time of need. I think that little gesture taught me so much. Kids are so wonderful :)

I will have to post an update on his finger later when I know more.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Last night, or rather this morning.. I went on a trip. :) I was awake at three am because Brad was working and I can never fall asleep easy with him working at night. I was so tired, so unbelievably tired from the day before, but because he was not there I did not feel as safe and was worrying myself to a place where I could not sleep. That's when I decided that I had had enough Hulu.com for the day, brushed my teeth, turned the lights in the living room off, took my contacts out, and eventually got on my knees and said perhaps the longest and most heartfelt prayer I've ever prayed in my life. Immediately I felt so much better. I looked up to see our "memory" box sitting on the chair in our bedroom and I grabbed it and started to look through it. You know something absolutely amazing? I was absolutely head over heels in love with my husband before we were married, while we were dating. He kept pretty much every ticket stub from every movie we saw together, we kept silly things like napkins from junior prom (which turned out to be a good thing since I didn't quite make it to my senior prom..), stars that were laid on the table as part of the centerpiece for a JROTC Ball, and pretty much every letter we wrote back and forth to each other. I have the imagination of a child sometimes and when I was reading these things, I was 10 years younger and actually remembering the circumstances and events we went through. Brad had the ability to make me laugh, and not just laugh... but cheer me up in the darkest of moments. He had the ability to make me smile by just being there, he did so many sweet things that made me fall head over heels for him. He stuck with me in times that no one else did, he loved me, and as I was reading these memories...I honestly FELT how much he loved me. That is when the realization hit. I was back in real time, 10 years later, and I realized this man STILL loves me, still makes me laugh, still cheers me up in moments that I really need it. I am so extremely LUCKY!! I have been married to my best friend for 9 wonderful years, been with him for over ten, and though we've had a lot of rough spots in that time, our love is strong, and can overcome most anything. I love my husband so much, and I do not know what I would do without him in my life.

The amazing kindness of others...

I got an "email" on facebook yesterday from someone that distantly I am related to, I've never met personally (at least that I can remember), and I really don't know too well other than being on facebook together but it truely brightened up my day!!! She wrote
"I hope you don't think I'm strange for saying this, but I really enjoy seeing/hearing about all the things you do with your family. You have a wonderful family and seem to be such a great mom. I love seeing the things you say about your husband too, and the comments he makes to you.. it's so sweet."


There was more to the email but it was a little more personal and I do not wish to upset anyone or reveal anyone, but..long story short, it made me realize that...while I'm not hearing it from the person/people that I WANT to be hearing it from, someone that I barely know sees how hard I've been trying as a mother, and a wife and it felt extremely wonderful to read these words.

I realize by no means am I a "perfect" parent, but the changes Brad and I have made recently are really paying off. I do not want to grow old and have the thought of "I did not spend enough time with my children," or "I should have done this more with my children," etc, I am very comfortable right now with the amount of time I've lately been spending with the three kids. We've done things this summer that I will cherish forever, we've also been bored a lot together, but we've been doing it TOGETHER too, and I think that's important. FHE is getting back on track, we've had two very awesome lessons so far, and I plan them each week and the kids really enjoy it. It may not be on MONDAY, or at a reasonable time of the day even, but we get it done. We have read The BFG, The Magic Finger, The Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Witches, The Twits, George's Marvelous Medicine, and are now currently on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as a family!!!
I may not have gone back to school after HS, but my life is not over, I am doing what I am supposed to be doing right now and it feels good. I may go back to school later, for what I have no clue... but for now...I am perfectly content with this path in life. I am very thankful for sweet messages like this and though she may never realize how much it meant to me, she has indeed touched my life and I am thankful for that awakening :)

Summer so Far

We haven't really done anything too exciting because of lack of funds, but we HAVE been to Marymere Falls up by Lake Crescent, which was absolutely gorgeous!! We've also been griling out a lot, which is tasty!!! We don't really have a sit down place indoors to eat as a family so we've been enjoying the picnic table outside a lot. Our garden is coming along quite nicely, I have what I think to be a few cucumbers growing and a majority of my tomato plants have tripled in size since we planted them in the ground a month or two ago. The kids have enjoyed going to the parks on nice days/evenings or the few times that they were able to enjoy the sprinkler/slip n slide. We are trying to plan a small family trip for the middle of September, but we have not discussed our plans with anyone yet because we do not want to get our hopes up and then have something stupid happen like the last time we tried to plan something. Way too late to be up now, goodnight hehe.

Sometimes I just appreciate my kids more

when they are...

Starting to feel a little like Job here..

Well, ok maybe that's a little exaggeration but it seems like every time we think we are moving forward we get slapped in the face, kicked in the "nuts" and sent flying backwards onto our butts. It's a little bit harder than just going into a bank and switching banks after you have had the same bank for 9 years. You have to make sure that all your electronic payments get converted to a new account, you have to make sure your job redirects your paycheck to the new account, you have to order new checks, debit cards, etc. But I think after being screwed with this BS "return to maker" 2 times in the past 2 months that it is time to freaking change our banks. The first time it happened we ended up paying Brad's truck payment twice in the same month (because that return to maker actually got cashed!) which sent us in the hole. Hard enough as that is to recover from, this month's rent check does the same thing and FOR SOME REASON 3 weeks later is when they call us to tell us that we owe the June rent + 75 dollars plus 150+ dollars for the days the rent has been late. We call the bank to find out what is going on and apparently they said to just resubmit the check because we have the funds in the account to cover it...meanwhile we're getting all these late fee charges and etc...I am totally aware of the fact that if this was an error on MY part that I would have to correct it right away, that I'd have a "fine" or whatever to pay, and quite frankly I'm getting sick and tired of being stuck in situations like this. There's a good chance we can't go away for our weekend that we've been planning for about 2 months now, and I think that pisses me off the most. Just once I'd like for something GOOD to happen to BRAD AND ME. Everytime we think we are moving forward...WHAM! And I know it happens to everyone, and I know it's happening to us because we are trying to get our temple recommends back....and I know it's only going to get worse because the economy just sucks...but I just need a break so freaking bad...from reality, from finances, from kids...from WORRYING MY HAIR GRAY...from everything...

Livin and Learnin

So, I know it's been a long time since I've blogged, but there's been a good reason for that. Lately we've been going through a rough spot and for a while there I didn't know how things were going to turn out so I wasn't reporting anything new, but I think that now is a pretty safe time to discuss at least a few things that I've been thinking about or going through lately.
Firstly, and I think most importantly as well, Brad and I have stopped playing World of Warcraft. I think that game consumed us to the point where our priorities were out of whack, our relationship suffered, and our children didn't get all the attention they deserve from us. Since quitting the game there has been so many instances of me saying "I'm bored" but I can honestly say that I do not miss it at all, nor do I regret the decision to stop playing it. I just have yet to find something equally as enjoyable to fill some of that time that the game consumed. I have started doing jigsaw puzzles with Brad but that gets expensive really fast because we are finishing 3k piece puzzles in less than 4 days, I've been baking a lot more because I honestly enjoy it!! and because everyone here loves my cooking for the most part. We've been reading more, which brings me to my second thing.
Since our rough spot began we have been reading a chapter in Scriptures every evening before we go to bed. As soon as we head to bed, Brad picks up the scriptures, reads a chapter, and there we decide if we are going to stay up later to read our other stories or just go to bed, but that is a priority now for us. It's not something we've done with the kids yet (we used to read the BOM every night to them, but life is always changing routines etc.. or maybe it's just us being lazy...but the important thing is for US right now to become more spiritually connected and we will worry about the kids later.
I think in the past few months that Brad and I have grown together and I personally have realized a lot of things that I can be doing better not only for my relationship with my children, but also for my relationship with Brad. I am honestly proud of where we are at right now, and I know we have a ways to go before we are at where we want to be, but I am glad we are back on the right track. :)