So my ten year reunion is fast approaching and I have been fighting within myself, I want to go, I don't want to go, I want to go, I don't want to go...I don't really consider anyone my "friends" because I haven't really kept in touch with anyone, and yet at the same time I have a lot of wonderful people on facebook that occasionally talk to me or that I will occasionally shoot a message to. Those people are one of the biggest reasons I've decided that I DO want to go. I know that in the past people were jerks to me, and heck.. I know for a fact I was a jerk to a few people, but I also know that while everyone isn't going to change...that MOST of us have. Sooooo, yes if we have the money, I will be going back to Alabama for a few weeks next summer. I will be alone, which..if you read my previous post you know how big of a thing that is for me, and that is also a reason I want to do it so bad. I NEED to get out of this shell that has been sooo tightly placed around me. I haven't been in Alabama since February of '07 when we said goodbye to my folks and headed up here. Four years is a long time for me...
I can't lie, I really have been avoiding OZARK like the plague everytime I did go home because the house I "grew up" in has been removed so that the little airport there can expand, at least I think that's why...Anyway, it's a really silly reason to avoid the town you grew up in, but to ME...it feels like I CAN'T go back home because the home is gone, and I know.. I know how silly that sounds because even if the house WAS still there, my parents aren't living in it, but I would be able to go drive past it and REMEMBER lots of things. I'm going to do it.. as close as I can to where the house once stood, I will drive by, and I will remember.
Of ALL the vivid dreams I've had in the past ten years, the ones I had of my house that I grew up in were the most vivid. They ALL involved water to a degree too, which I find HILARIOUS since we had a pool in the backyard AND it seemed we had a natural spring or something too because it didn't matter what day of the week, month of the year it was our HUGE backyard WAS ALWAYS WET.
I have also planned (so far with just my dad, but I plan to ask my mom as well) to spend the day with each of my parents, just me and them. I have already talked to Brad about this as well, and I think at this point in my life that it's absolutely essential in my "moving forward, forgiving and letting go" to have a 1 on 1 with each of my parents without the kids there to interrupt or distract. It will give me the time to say what I need to say to them, because I really do NEED to say a lot. I think that above everything else, my PARENTS are what is pulling me to Alabama, the reunion will just be an added bonus.
I think this will be a positive experience, it will force me to grow up, to not be so scared of people and crowds, to form the relationships with my parents that should already exist, and most importantly, to let go..to forgive myself, to move on, and HAVE FUN!!!!
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Well, you have a year, so my advice is to save $20 a paycheck. It's not a lot, so it won't kill your finances. But it builds up and you'll be able to get that ticket and have it paid for without it being a big bite to take all at once. I hope it works out and is all that you want it to be. love you.
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