Finding things I thought were lost forever

So I don't know what was going through my head when I put receiving blankets as old as Saria in a box labeled artwork, or why it took us a year to find that box, open it up and find not only those but an assortment of lame artwork from our high school days, shelves to hang, puzzles that have been glued, a pop up laundry hamper, and our state coin holder. But, of course those receiving blankets just set off memories in my head like fourth of July fireworks and I had to just stand back and stop looking at them. You know, somedays I am so extremely happy that I had my tubes tied, but most others I sit here wishing I hadn't. I know I have three kids, and I know I've talked about this before, but obviously it's bugging me again, I know I have three kids, and I am lucky to have those but I really do feel so incomplete. Maybe it has a lot to do with everyone else deciding for me that it was best to have my tubes tied in the first place. Granted I don' t think that I could live through another pregnancy, but the thought that it's impossible to even have a chance just really depresses me. I actually (and I'm being honest here) have never liked kids! I never liked kids growing up, I always felt very uncomfortable around them, even now when they're not mine I do feel a little uneasy, but I so enjoy my own, and I am so thankful that I have them. I worried about the stupidest things in high school sometimes... I remembered how I used to worry about the world ending before I had the chance to become a parent...(silly isn't it) I know Brad is content with our family, and to an extent, so am I really, I mean I really am, I just... like I said, I feel so incomplete sometimes. If I could do things over, I would have never listened to anyone that encouraged me to have my tubes tied. Because seriously, after two and a half years passing I shouldn't still be depressed about it. Anyway, maybe I'll wash the blankets and use the material to make another blanket for Ben or something...