Christmas at the Burge House

First, I'd like to say that I personally feel extremely blessed by receiving "Secret Santa" bags in my front yard in the middle of the month. I still do not know who Secret Santa is, but there were two huge bags, one was full of clothes for the boys/shoes for Saria/dresses and the other had presents that were wrapped for each of the kids. I have never received anything like this before, and it really made me feel the spirit to know that someone cared enough about our family to do that for us. I hope whoever it was knows that I am eternally grateful for it!!

On Christmas Eve we found out that Brad had to work the next day...so we were trying to figure out how to go about having our Christmas.. and we decided to just get up really early and do our Christmas together before he had to go to work. So we planned to get up at five A.M., make breakfast, and then wake up the kids...(I personally have learned to never plan anything and just go with the flow, and I'm ok with that..)So FOUR A.M. rolls around and Samuel wakes me up coughing, I give him a drink and send him back to bed but of course I can't fall back asleep so I get up and make us all breakfast:hashbrowns, eggs, bacon, and sausage. After Breakfast is all made (including Orange Juice for the drink) we wake up the kids. Benjamin tells us he wants to go back to sleep which we think is rather cute.


Well, we get them up after a few minutes of coaxing, and we tell Ben to go eat his breakfast...thinking that he'd totally see the presents "Santa" got for him because they're pretty visible from the route to the kitchen.. but he totally missed it...and when he finally did see, he was super excited and happy!! :)


Then it was Sam's turn to find out what HE got, and let me just tell you...he was less than thrilled to get a Star Wars Bicycle.. he WANTED a bike, but he "doesn't like Star Wars" Not the kind of reaction I expected at all, and really dampened my spirits...

but luckily Saria was super superrrr excited to get her Justin Bieber Doll and that helped my mood :)

After Breakfast, we opened up the rest of our presents and then we took a nap for about an hour because Brad went to work...(he was gone pretty much until we went to Grandma's house that night to do Christmas over there.

My Favorite Christmas Song

Growing up, we had a lot of cassette tapes with Christmas Songs on them, and I had a handful (as a child) that were my absolute favorite songs, including All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth (giggle), Up On The Rooftop, Jingle Bells, and Little Drummer Boy. I honestly find it amazing that, as a child Little Drummer Boy was on that list at all. Today as I pulled into the driveway coming home from the gym, the version of Little Drummer Boy sung by Bob Seger (who is the version I remember growing up with) came on on the radio. I was deeply touched because for whatever reason, I haven't heard this song in years sung by him, I didn't even know WHO it was that sung it until I looked across the stereo and it told me, and it really brought back a flood of memories of Christmases long ago, and I honestly had a Uncle Scrooge moment. I realize that growing up, I may not have had the BEST childhood, but it wasn't all that bad. My parents loved me, and they took care of me, they helped me to grow, and they tried their best to guide me onto the right walks of life. I know I've made mistakes along the way, but I also know that the reality of the situation is that LIFE IS WONDERFUL, LIFE CAN BE HAPPY!!, and I know that... even though we may STILL not agree on certain things, and our lifestyles now are COMPLETELY different from one another (as far as my family goes, which is what I'm talking about anyway, but just clarifying :P) we have reached the point where we are more understanding, and more accepting, and in the past few months I have absolutely grown closer to the family I spent all those Christmases with growing up. I can honestly say I miss them, and that occasionally my heart breaks for them because they're soo far away from me. Anyway, before I get too mushy, I just hope everyone that actually took the time to read this understands how important family is. I know that Christmas essentially is the celebration of Christ's Birth, and I am a big believer (even if my voice IS small), but it doesn't matter who, or what you believe in...everyone can LOVE THEIR FAMILY extra hard this Christmas. IMO the greatest gift you could ever give another person be it mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, child, friend.. etc is your time, your smile, your understanding, your LOVE. I LOVE all of you and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas regardless of how you celebrate, or what you do :) XOXO

How to make Plastic Canvas Reindeer

I tried to upload my pictures showing the steps to make these cute little guys onto facebook, and so far I haven't been successful so, since the blog is public anyway I decided to write a little more detailed explanation on how to make these cute little guys, they're awfully easy, and absolutely adorable, and I just enjoy doing things like this.

THINGS YOU NEED:
Plastic canvas (I got mine from Wal-Mart in their craft section)
Brown Yarn
A needle that you can thread yarn into (it'll be pretty huge :P but I'm not a needle expert)
Black or Dark Brown Pipe Cleaners for the Antlers
Scissors
Googly eyes
Pom Pom (my kids call them fuzzballs) for the noses
Hot glue gun




First you cut it into squares that are 10x10 squares (I just count to ten and cut on the 11th one and then trim down the sides and start again)


You need three 10x10 squares to make 1 reindeer so make sure you cut enough for all the reindeer you want. I personally will cut some, sew some, then cut some more just to give my fingers a break from cutting.. because it IS plastic and it does make your hands blister so beware lol.




You start by pulling the yarn through and holding a tiny bit of the tail of the yarn so that it stays in place and then you sew a couple of times to get the tail to stay in place. (I am hoping I do not confuse anyone, but if I do, just email me, comment here, or talk to me on facebook and I'll clarify because I'm not the best at explaining these things...hopefully the pictures will help :P
Sew each of the squares so they look like this.
(this is the front)
(this is the back)

(You can sorta tell on the back where I secured the yarn at the end by going under a few stitches, you could also knot the yarn, but I just go under the stitches personally)








After the three squares are sewn, you need to put two squares together so the fronts of each are facing out (backs are together), and sew starting at a corner two sides and 1 corner like this.





The next thing you need to do is sorta pop it open by clenching the two sides together and place the third piece in it to sew another two sides and corner. Be careful about which sides you sew.





The finished sewn product looks like this. Then all you have to do is add the googly eyes, pom pom nose, and pipe cleaner antlers with a hot glue gun, stick a Hershey's kiss inside and voila! It's done :)
You DO sew the remaining sides (that forms the mouth) but not together.. because then you can't open the mouth to put the kiss inside :)

The Amazingness that is Texting...

So about a month or so ago Brad and I switched our cell carrier from TMobile to Verizon where we picked up a texting package. Unlimited texting has proven to be quite a blessing. My dad and I rarely spoke before I got texting, and it's not because either of us wanted it that way, it's just how things were...we were too busy with work (him) or taking care of kids (both of us) and I started to take the time each week to try to call him, but that never worked out either...Texting has helped us so much! We went from very rarely talking to texting each other everyday!!! I used to honestly think evil thoughts about those people that walked through the store while they were busy texting/talking on their phones and now I have become one!! *LOL* I have enjoyed getting to know my daddy once again because for a while there we were really out of touch, and we both admitted this, and we both feel like we've gotten to know each other a lot recently. It's a good feeling. I am so far away from my family that I can't see them all the time, and I haven't seen my dad in five years almost, and I do miss him lots, and just being able to talk to him whenever I want lately has been such a wonderful blessing.

Ten years ago

I found out I was pregnant with Saria I BELIEVE the 26th of September, 2000. So, 10 years ago. I wasn't really planning on ever making a post regarding this, but since my blog is now private (at least I hope it is LOL) I guess I will post about it :). I really don't look at it as a negative thing, even with me still being in High School...becoming a mother was the single most important thing I've ever done with my life, or ever COULD do in my life. It worked out for me, and it worked out for Brad, and for that we are obviously eternally grateful, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. We DID make some pretty selfish choices, neither of us had jobs that could support a child, IN FACT to this day I've never had a job, but Brad really stepped up and was willing to do anything to provide for his child and he ended up joining the Air Force for that reason. I remember graduating HS with a one month old baby girl, and immediately getting married and moving to North Carolina and starting off on our own. It wasn't even scary for me, it was totally comfortable, I just felt I was where I should have been. In fact, I think the scariest thing about it all was that Saria had a cold for the first time and I freaked out about that, being a new mother with a sick baby scared me. Everything just felt right. I remember starting out with just a recliner and a 13 inch T.V., and though somedays I wish we were back to that, I look around and see exactly how far we've come, how much we truly are blessed, and I am grateful :)

Another step in the right direction.. I hope

So my ten year reunion is fast approaching and I have been fighting within myself, I want to go, I don't want to go, I want to go, I don't want to go...I don't really consider anyone my "friends" because I haven't really kept in touch with anyone, and yet at the same time I have a lot of wonderful people on facebook that occasionally talk to me or that I will occasionally shoot a message to. Those people are one of the biggest reasons I've decided that I DO want to go. I know that in the past people were jerks to me, and heck.. I know for a fact I was a jerk to a few people, but I also know that while everyone isn't going to change...that MOST of us have. Sooooo, yes if we have the money, I will be going back to Alabama for a few weeks next summer. I will be alone, which..if you read my previous post you know how big of a thing that is for me, and that is also a reason I want to do it so bad. I NEED to get out of this shell that has been sooo tightly placed around me. I haven't been in Alabama since February of '07 when we said goodbye to my folks and headed up here. Four years is a long time for me...
I can't lie, I really have been avoiding OZARK like the plague everytime I did go home because the house I "grew up" in has been removed so that the little airport there can expand, at least I think that's why...Anyway, it's a really silly reason to avoid the town you grew up in, but to ME...it feels like I CAN'T go back home because the home is gone, and I know.. I know how silly that sounds because even if the house WAS still there, my parents aren't living in it, but I would be able to go drive past it and REMEMBER lots of things. I'm going to do it.. as close as I can to where the house once stood, I will drive by, and I will remember.
Of ALL the vivid dreams I've had in the past ten years, the ones I had of my house that I grew up in were the most vivid. They ALL involved water to a degree too, which I find HILARIOUS since we had a pool in the backyard AND it seemed we had a natural spring or something too because it didn't matter what day of the week, month of the year it was our HUGE backyard WAS ALWAYS WET.

I have also planned (so far with just my dad, but I plan to ask my mom as well) to spend the day with each of my parents, just me and them. I have already talked to Brad about this as well, and I think at this point in my life that it's absolutely essential in my "moving forward, forgiving and letting go" to have a 1 on 1 with each of my parents without the kids there to interrupt or distract. It will give me the time to say what I need to say to them, because I really do NEED to say a lot. I think that above everything else, my PARENTS are what is pulling me to Alabama, the reunion will just be an added bonus.
I think this will be a positive experience, it will force me to grow up, to not be so scared of people and crowds, to form the relationships with my parents that should already exist, and most importantly, to let go..to forgive myself, to move on, and HAVE FUN!!!!

Admitting is the first step

I have had a lot on my mind lately, and I have no idea where to begin because there are several different things that do not come close to relating to one another that I would like to express. I guess I'll start with this one.. and see where I go, sorry ahead of time if I don't make any sense hahah.

When I was in kindergarten I was involved with a play called "The Three Billy Goats Gruff" and I am sure everyone knows what that is. Anyway I was the middle billy goat (I really wanted to be the baby one but that went to a friend/classmate named Chris, funny how I can remember this...) It got time for me to say my lines, and GUESS WHAT? I forgot them. I was 5 or 6 years old at the time...but I remember hearing laughter in the gym and sadly, it scarred me for life. Ever since THAT moment I have been extremely socially...what is the word...anti social I guess. I have been known to skip school on oral report days, I have even had a few class meltdowns, and sometimes I've repeated myself over and over through shaking limbs and an overwhelming sensation that instead of everyone else being naked.. I myself am...it's not an easy life to live. As a teenager I didn't let this consume my social life. I had friends, went on dates, had boyfriends, hung out with friends, etc BUT to some degree it did effect my life as a teenager too. I started to go online for friendships/relationships and I found it easier to speak with my real life friends over the internet. This is weird to admit because ONCE UPON A TIME I would spend EIGHT hours straight at a time talking to one individual...
It isn't an easy life to live. I have no clue what I am so scared of, and the thought of speaking to people individually doesn't upset my stomach or make me want to hide in bed, but thinking about groups of people really scares the heck out of me. I have a very limited number of friends, sure my definition of "friend" has changed over the years, it used to mean someone that had your back, was there to talk to, you fought with over the STUPIDEST things and made up the next day like nothing happened...now a "friend" is mostly someone you can count on to talk to you when you need a shoulder. I think of all things in my life there are to regret, the fact that I didn't keep many friends is one of them . I realize as an adult how crucial that friends are for your sanity.

Sometimes you just have to stop and get on your knees

Today has been a nightmare to say the least. It started out okay, if you consider waking up to 3 kids arguing about who pushed who okay. Saria, Sam, and Ben like to play this game called "Super Smash Brothers"...only THEIR version is not different characters from video games beating the crap out of each other on a platform, it's THEM imagining they are different characters beating the crap out of each other on my couch. I think that Saria was "The Master Hand" and Sam was "Kirby" and Ben was "Bumblebee" (who, might I add is not even a character in the actual game, but kids have such imaginations that anything is possible :P) Anyway, they've been told time after time to not play this game because it's not only dangerous in that they push each other off the couch to determine who wins, but they hit and kick and sometimes even bite each other in order to achieve their goal of being the "winner" What do moms know right?! That's where accident number 1 happens. Ben runs up to us with SUCH panic in his voice, totally FREAKING out "I GOT BLEEDING I GOT BLEEDING!" and blood is just dripping out of his nose. Nothing really worrisome, he gets nosebleeds often, especially if someone accidentally kicks him in the face, which is what he told us happened...


I have to add that I am so thankful that hubby is home because for SOME REASON ever since I have become a mother.. the sight of blood FREAKS me out and makes me VERY nauseated...in fact..the other day we were grilling hotdogs and there was only the tip of the bottle left of ketchup and LO AND BEHOLD when hubby opened the bottle it splattered all over his hand... and THAT even nauseated me because it LOOKED like blood to me...(pathetic I know haha)back to the story..


So hubby thankfully stops Ben's nose from bleeding, I try to comfort him as best as I can from a distance, and all is well for about another hour or two.

Saria and Sam were in the garage playing while Ben was outside by himself (which I have always hated for this reason and usually make one of the other ones go play with him just so he's not by himself.. dunno why I didn't do that today, but I will be kicking myself in the butt for a long time because of it...) Anyhoo, he comes running towards the house and just BLOOD curdling screams of PAIN and his finger is dripping blood. Apparently he dropped a huge rock on his finger.. that was one of two coherent things I could get from him.. the other was "Sam couldn't help me!!" He is so used to having his brother by his side..I think he was more scared that he was alone than of what happened to his finger, and I think that's what broke my heart the most as well.

We get his finger all cleaned up, and hubby bandages it with two butterfly bandages because its a pretty nasty split finger and about an hour later hubby notices it's turning purple..that's when I told hubby he needed to take Ben to the Emergency Room...which is where he's at as I type this. I forgot to mention that pretty much the entire time Ben's finger has been hurt, he's off and on (mostly on) screaming about being in a lot of pain. When hubby took him, his finger was seeping blood, it was purple on the end tip, and it was still split open. He's clearly in a lot of pain, so I hope whatever they do at the hospital helps him to not be in so much pain.


The one thing that really touched me through all of this, was me asking Ben through his cries of pain if he wanted to get on his knees and say a prayer with me. He told me that he did... and he proceeded to say a little prayer and then we finished up with a prayer from myself and honestly, I felt more calm, and more at peace. My four year old son KNEW that a prayer would help in his time of need. I think that little gesture taught me so much. Kids are so wonderful :)

I will have to post an update on his finger later when I know more.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Last night, or rather this morning.. I went on a trip. :) I was awake at three am because Brad was working and I can never fall asleep easy with him working at night. I was so tired, so unbelievably tired from the day before, but because he was not there I did not feel as safe and was worrying myself to a place where I could not sleep. That's when I decided that I had had enough Hulu.com for the day, brushed my teeth, turned the lights in the living room off, took my contacts out, and eventually got on my knees and said perhaps the longest and most heartfelt prayer I've ever prayed in my life. Immediately I felt so much better. I looked up to see our "memory" box sitting on the chair in our bedroom and I grabbed it and started to look through it. You know something absolutely amazing? I was absolutely head over heels in love with my husband before we were married, while we were dating. He kept pretty much every ticket stub from every movie we saw together, we kept silly things like napkins from junior prom (which turned out to be a good thing since I didn't quite make it to my senior prom..), stars that were laid on the table as part of the centerpiece for a JROTC Ball, and pretty much every letter we wrote back and forth to each other. I have the imagination of a child sometimes and when I was reading these things, I was 10 years younger and actually remembering the circumstances and events we went through. Brad had the ability to make me laugh, and not just laugh... but cheer me up in the darkest of moments. He had the ability to make me smile by just being there, he did so many sweet things that made me fall head over heels for him. He stuck with me in times that no one else did, he loved me, and as I was reading these memories...I honestly FELT how much he loved me. That is when the realization hit. I was back in real time, 10 years later, and I realized this man STILL loves me, still makes me laugh, still cheers me up in moments that I really need it. I am so extremely LUCKY!! I have been married to my best friend for 9 wonderful years, been with him for over ten, and though we've had a lot of rough spots in that time, our love is strong, and can overcome most anything. I love my husband so much, and I do not know what I would do without him in my life.

The amazing kindness of others...

I got an "email" on facebook yesterday from someone that distantly I am related to, I've never met personally (at least that I can remember), and I really don't know too well other than being on facebook together but it truely brightened up my day!!! She wrote
"I hope you don't think I'm strange for saying this, but I really enjoy seeing/hearing about all the things you do with your family. You have a wonderful family and seem to be such a great mom. I love seeing the things you say about your husband too, and the comments he makes to you.. it's so sweet."


There was more to the email but it was a little more personal and I do not wish to upset anyone or reveal anyone, but..long story short, it made me realize that...while I'm not hearing it from the person/people that I WANT to be hearing it from, someone that I barely know sees how hard I've been trying as a mother, and a wife and it felt extremely wonderful to read these words.

I realize by no means am I a "perfect" parent, but the changes Brad and I have made recently are really paying off. I do not want to grow old and have the thought of "I did not spend enough time with my children," or "I should have done this more with my children," etc, I am very comfortable right now with the amount of time I've lately been spending with the three kids. We've done things this summer that I will cherish forever, we've also been bored a lot together, but we've been doing it TOGETHER too, and I think that's important. FHE is getting back on track, we've had two very awesome lessons so far, and I plan them each week and the kids really enjoy it. It may not be on MONDAY, or at a reasonable time of the day even, but we get it done. We have read The BFG, The Magic Finger, The Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Witches, The Twits, George's Marvelous Medicine, and are now currently on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as a family!!!
I may not have gone back to school after HS, but my life is not over, I am doing what I am supposed to be doing right now and it feels good. I may go back to school later, for what I have no clue... but for now...I am perfectly content with this path in life. I am very thankful for sweet messages like this and though she may never realize how much it meant to me, she has indeed touched my life and I am thankful for that awakening :)

Summer so Far

We haven't really done anything too exciting because of lack of funds, but we HAVE been to Marymere Falls up by Lake Crescent, which was absolutely gorgeous!! We've also been griling out a lot, which is tasty!!! We don't really have a sit down place indoors to eat as a family so we've been enjoying the picnic table outside a lot. Our garden is coming along quite nicely, I have what I think to be a few cucumbers growing and a majority of my tomato plants have tripled in size since we planted them in the ground a month or two ago. The kids have enjoyed going to the parks on nice days/evenings or the few times that they were able to enjoy the sprinkler/slip n slide. We are trying to plan a small family trip for the middle of September, but we have not discussed our plans with anyone yet because we do not want to get our hopes up and then have something stupid happen like the last time we tried to plan something. Way too late to be up now, goodnight hehe.

Sometimes I just appreciate my kids more

when they are...

Starting to feel a little like Job here..

Well, ok maybe that's a little exaggeration but it seems like every time we think we are moving forward we get slapped in the face, kicked in the "nuts" and sent flying backwards onto our butts. It's a little bit harder than just going into a bank and switching banks after you have had the same bank for 9 years. You have to make sure that all your electronic payments get converted to a new account, you have to make sure your job redirects your paycheck to the new account, you have to order new checks, debit cards, etc. But I think after being screwed with this BS "return to maker" 2 times in the past 2 months that it is time to freaking change our banks. The first time it happened we ended up paying Brad's truck payment twice in the same month (because that return to maker actually got cashed!) which sent us in the hole. Hard enough as that is to recover from, this month's rent check does the same thing and FOR SOME REASON 3 weeks later is when they call us to tell us that we owe the June rent + 75 dollars plus 150+ dollars for the days the rent has been late. We call the bank to find out what is going on and apparently they said to just resubmit the check because we have the funds in the account to cover it...meanwhile we're getting all these late fee charges and etc...I am totally aware of the fact that if this was an error on MY part that I would have to correct it right away, that I'd have a "fine" or whatever to pay, and quite frankly I'm getting sick and tired of being stuck in situations like this. There's a good chance we can't go away for our weekend that we've been planning for about 2 months now, and I think that pisses me off the most. Just once I'd like for something GOOD to happen to BRAD AND ME. Everytime we think we are moving forward...WHAM! And I know it happens to everyone, and I know it's happening to us because we are trying to get our temple recommends back....and I know it's only going to get worse because the economy just sucks...but I just need a break so freaking bad...from reality, from finances, from kids...from WORRYING MY HAIR GRAY...from everything...

Livin and Learnin

So, I know it's been a long time since I've blogged, but there's been a good reason for that. Lately we've been going through a rough spot and for a while there I didn't know how things were going to turn out so I wasn't reporting anything new, but I think that now is a pretty safe time to discuss at least a few things that I've been thinking about or going through lately.
Firstly, and I think most importantly as well, Brad and I have stopped playing World of Warcraft. I think that game consumed us to the point where our priorities were out of whack, our relationship suffered, and our children didn't get all the attention they deserve from us. Since quitting the game there has been so many instances of me saying "I'm bored" but I can honestly say that I do not miss it at all, nor do I regret the decision to stop playing it. I just have yet to find something equally as enjoyable to fill some of that time that the game consumed. I have started doing jigsaw puzzles with Brad but that gets expensive really fast because we are finishing 3k piece puzzles in less than 4 days, I've been baking a lot more because I honestly enjoy it!! and because everyone here loves my cooking for the most part. We've been reading more, which brings me to my second thing.
Since our rough spot began we have been reading a chapter in Scriptures every evening before we go to bed. As soon as we head to bed, Brad picks up the scriptures, reads a chapter, and there we decide if we are going to stay up later to read our other stories or just go to bed, but that is a priority now for us. It's not something we've done with the kids yet (we used to read the BOM every night to them, but life is always changing routines etc.. or maybe it's just us being lazy...but the important thing is for US right now to become more spiritually connected and we will worry about the kids later.
I think in the past few months that Brad and I have grown together and I personally have realized a lot of things that I can be doing better not only for my relationship with my children, but also for my relationship with Brad. I am honestly proud of where we are at right now, and I know we have a ways to go before we are at where we want to be, but I am glad we are back on the right track. :)

Since my last post...

We got another guinea pig, and after about three or four days of calling her fatty we named her Olivia! So now Sophie has a friend. My squash had to be repotted because they were root bound, and now I might not have squash because they're not taking very well... Sam's radish seems to be doing better though..I am about to go to the kids' school to enjoy the day with Sam to celebrate Mother's Day. I have some pretty good kids *happy sigh*. They love me, I love them, they're not perfect, but to me.. they're close :) I will try to write some more later.. :)

This is Sophie

We got her today. The kids love her so far, but they really scare the crap out of her. Everytime we take her out of the cage, she crawls between any little hole she can find (usually between my legs) because she's scared.. Hopefully that will pass within a few days. She makes the cutest sounds when you pick her up. Brad was holding her and she sounded like a pigeon cooing. She also squeaks, but we haven't heard THAT noise since the guy in the Petco picked her up for us. She's a guinea pig.. in case her fur got in the way and you can't tell. :) And Samuel named her after the little girl in the BFG.

Update on my plants and other things!

So my peppers and eggplant seeds are catching up!!! My cucumbers have fallen into last place, which is depressingly sad because that is the thing I was looking foward to eating the most.. but they still have time! Maybe they just need a little encouragement, love, and a kiss... or something. anyway here's some new pictures of the plants...



Well Ben was chewing his Trix this morning and said he had a toothache.. So we looked into his mouth and sure enough.. the kid has a huge cavity.. :( Poor thing, we've been putting ambesol and we gave him tylenol, gonna make him an appointment tomorrow.

My printer needs a breather

So, the kids' latest report cards have them struggling in a few areas (which totally makes me feel like an awful parent) and so I've been printing out worksheets to do with them all morning. I know I spend a lot of time with the kids, but I know that I could be doing better, and am going to focus more on them. It's always been a task to do because I can't concentrate on one without the others feeling left out, but I'll find a way. Maybe with Brad helping one and me helping another, and SOMETHING distracting the third.. lol...Anyway, This morning Benjamin and Brad and I worked on a few worksheets with him, I kept asking him questions and he made me so proud by answering them all. We did a shapes worksheet and colored the shapes different colors so I was asking him "what color is the star" "what shape is blue" etc and after a while he was done.. stopped answering correctly, and we know that's a sign he's had enough so we ended his session lol. It feels good to do these things with the kids though, so I hope my printer doesn't run outta ink anytime soon..

My plants!!!

Cucumbers, Peppers, Tomatoes OH MY

I planted cucumbers, peppers, tomatoes, eggplant (wow I planted soooo much stuff), chives, basil, summer squash, lettuce...I think that's it!
It was really fun to have the kids outside "helping" me. They really didn't do anything but stare at me the whole time but I'm sure they learned something!!
Now for the prayers that the things will actually grow. I know it's a little too soon but as soon as i publish this, I'm going to go take a peek at the little greenhouses I have.



Oh hey, you like how I've been blogging regularly? I know its only been for three days now so I am not going to promise that I keep it up, but I'm going to TRY a little harder :)

Me and My Red Thumb

As long as I can remember I've wanted to have indoor plants, flower beds outside, gardens...
I am not sure what I do to them, or.. if I am just cursed, but EVERYTIME I bring home a plant or try to grow a garden...it dies...Saria has even had growing seeds in school that she has proudly taken home which have died days later. Last year I tried to do a garden with a buncha herbs and veggies and it was going really well and when we got back home from a weekend trip everything was roasted and dead from the sun. SO I am determined to make one that works..and upon seeing Miss Hila's tomatoes.. and being JEALOUS, I'm going to nerd up on it (read, research) to keep the plants alive this year..please wish me luck, and even say a prayer, because having the DEADLY Midas Touch sorta depresses me..

An old Pair of Shoes

When I was a teenager I owned this awesome pair of shoes that I was so proud to have purchased at the dollar store for 2 dollars and 50 cents. I remember this now because I actually had a dream about this particular pair of shoes not too long ago. I KNOW the reason I had the dream was to settle my mind because for the past few months I've not talked to a couple people in my family, and these shoes are proof to me that I'm not necessarily RIGHT in not talking to them, but that my reasonings are valid.

I could go off into a tangent and type for hours, but no matter how I begin, it ends the same way. PITY ME!!!! BOO HOO ME!!!

I think after 27 years of this treatment, it's time to let it all go.

I am tired of forgiving people that are supposed to love me, but I always will.

I am proud of the way my life turned out, proud of the family that I have, and proud of where I am in life, and cannot POSSIBLY understand why the people that are supposed to love me cannot be proud of me.

Live today to the fullest because you are not guaranteed a tomorrow.


All children need love from both of their parents (BOTH)
and while all children are not the same, they should be LOVED the same

I've always been the black sheep in some form or another, and the funny thing is.. I keep allowing it to happen.

Its time to let it go...I'm moving on, and I wanted you to know that while I will always hurt inside, I'm letting go..

Tax time Blues

So, we go to file our taxes because we have plans with that money this year.. plans to pay off Brad's truck, switch our van payment to the second half of the month to balance out the bills better, and buy new tires for the van...we can't file the taxes yet.. because we need a form sent to us which we haven't received yet. SOOOOO in the meantime.. my van cannot be driven because it has 2 bald tires on it (Brad drives it, I just will not) and today (Valentine's Day!!!) Brad gets a phone call to go to a job, so we stop reading the tail end of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows (he's been reading the entire series to me even though I've already read them, it's something we've begun to do as a couple) and he goes to start his truck and his truck won't start...He calls his dad and his dad tells him it sounds like it's the catalytic converter-200 bucks, but since it's SUNDAY nothing is open to get it fixed.. In the meantime, he's gotta go to work so he puts his truck in reverse hoping to get it outta the driveway to be able to pull the van out and LO and behold if we don't live on a FREAKING HILL and his truck goes the opposite way he wanted it to, and even with me trying to help push it we couldn't move it to where it was completely outta the way, so ya.. its sitting mostly off the road, but a smidge is still on the road. AS IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH he accidently locked the keys in the truck so we had to break off the plastic knob on the window in the cab of the truck, stick Ben in there to open the door.. and after five minutes it was clear Ben didn't know what the heck we were asking him so we had to get Samuel to finally open the door and get the keys out. AS IF THATTTTTTT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH we're all pretty sick and the kids have been running fevers as well as myself (which is probably one of the reasons I couldn't push that truck at all.. I'm kinda weak from being sick for the past week) and I've been struggling with trying to get Ben to eat/drink/nap as often as possible because last night his fever was like 103.5. It's gone down a bit since last night, but he still has a mild fever...I think its time to try to ENJOY today...maybe a nice hot steak will do the trick..