Sunday, July 27, 2008
Well this certainly doesn't help
Why...when I dream is it always either about the same ex boyfriend (the one from like 13 years ago haha) or me being pregnant...Honestly, I'd rather have a nightmare where I'm being murdered and torn limb from limb or swimming in a sea of fish (always hated that) because at least then when I wake up, I feel better...I honestly don't obsess over this child bearing issue, really, and I don't dream of being pregnant every night, really really, but last nights dream sucked. And I know this whole issue is affecting my relationship with Brad too. And I know no one wants to hear about our romantic life, but lemme just give you an idea...and it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that most nights two of our three kids sleep in our room either...(wow I can't think of a comparison so I'll just come right out and say it) It sucks...it doesn't exist in any form, I do not just mean sexually, I mean...ANYTHING. As a matter of fact, and this is a sad thing, very very sad thing, the other day Brad kissed me on the lips out of the blue (about as romantic as it gets now) and Ben the two year old? ya him.. went up to Brad and gave him a kiss and told him byeeee be careful because he thought he was going to work. This is serious stuff people...When a 2 year old associates his father kissing his mother as going bye bye to work...If we had medical iinsurance I'd go to a doctor and figure out ways to get over this because I really feel like it's hurting my relationship with Brad. Honestly, that's the last thing I want to do...Maybe I need to stop remembering the past and try to enjoy the now...that sounds like a good idea...or maybe, when I do remember the past, I should make it feel now how good it felt then. Maybe I need to stop wallowing in self pity and realize that as incomplete as I feel, the children that I have need me, and so does my husband, and maybe instead of being depressed about stuff I should just be there for them. Easier said then done...but I can try. :)
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2 comments:
There's always trying. And though not my favorite thing to contemplate in any form or fashion (because it's my brother for goodness sake)... When I get there, how about if I stay with the kids one night and you guys go get a hotel in Seattle or something and have a romantic night. I'll have plenty of time on my hands. Try to re-kindle some romance and not have to worry about the kids. If you plan on something like that, sometimes the anticipation will get you back to where you need to be. Anyway, and yeah, definitely try to look on the bright side. I hate to sound like Mom here (not because I hate to sound like her, but because I know it will sound like her ;)), but there is always a silver lining. That's one big lesson I've learned in the past 2 years. I can take something good away from something bad, or something I hoped would never happen that has happened.
lOL Hila, I think we're good now ;) we talked.. hehehehe
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