Feelings

So with the Prophet's passing last week I've been kinda emotional and teary lately, and I was thankful on Saturday that Brad was asked to give Michelle a blessing because I was watching the funeral broadcast with uncontrollable tears. There was mentioned in funeral broadcast somewhere (I think more than once) about how there was some 46? temples when President Hinckley became Prophet and then there's 135? now (I may have my numbers mixed up please don't quote me ;) )and I believe it's 1/3 of the members of the church have converted since his becoming Prophet. I thought about that statement really hard and I honestly felt like they mentioned ME in saying that and I really felt blessed. I joined the church in August of 2001, was confirmed a member the same day my daughter was blessed, and it was honestly to the displeasure of some of my family, and the other part really is happy. It's hard to have part of your family not like what you believe in, or rather, in this case I think honestly just not understand it or care to understand it. When I was baptized, I didn't think much of it, really. I didn't feel any different, I didn't act any different, I really didn't even fully live the gospel and what I should have been doing. It was just a couple of years ago that I began to build a testimony. Brad got deployed to Turkey...and I was soo bored one day I picked up this book that a sister in the church had given to me 2 years before while I was in the hospital having Samuel, and I started to read it. and I couldn't put it down. I read that book, and went to her house as soon as I was done to see if she had the others in the series (turns out she had all of them) and I began reading the second and third ones and so on. I had the entire set of books done by the time Brad's four and a half month tour ended (not to mention when he left I was reading Harry Potter-I read a lot when he was gone). In case you're wondering, the books were The Work and the Glory set. I know some of it was ficticious, but when I read those books, I WAS there with that family. It was a neat experience and it was on such a level that I could understand, and I gained a huge testimony from them. I started to read other books about the church (I can't remember what they're called) and it's amazing what Joseph Smith went through to get the restored gospel back on the earth. I am just really grateful that I have met someone in the church and have been given the opportunity to learn about it. I honestly don't think I'd have ever learned about it if it wasn't for Brad.
So getting back to the point about the funeral, I've had a great grandmother and a grandmother die but I never went to a funeral, and honestly, I remember crying, but it was nothing like what I felt Saturday, and I don't think that it's because I was SAD persay, so much as I UNDERSTOOD more, and I was reminded of our temple recommends sitting on a shelf in our bedroom and about how absolutely AWESOME it is that we have the chance to be an eternal family. I honestly can't imagine my life without Brad in it, without my children in it.
Thinking about the comments about how the Prophet missed his wife dearly, and how now they can be together again really made me happy. I pictured them (as old as they were they still got around rather well) like those silly commericals or bits of movie where they're on the beach and running towards each other to embrace and it's in really slow motion.. I'm just really thankful that no matter what, we will always have someone to lead and direct the church on the earth and it's awesome that we won't stop or fail because the Prophet died, the church will go on, it will not fizzle out and die. I know this is a bunch of randomness, but really it's how I feel at this moment, and since SOMEONE really wants to read new posts....I figured I'd share..'Love you guys.